


Stag er... Snake Night

by InterstellarVagabond



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bachelor Party, Drunk Antics, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 16:01:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20410462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterstellarVagabond/pseuds/InterstellarVagabond
Summary: “Alright, we better go before your husband to be blows a blood vessel,” Anathema said. “Keep an eye on Newt for me? Don’t let Shadwell get him into any trouble?”“He’s in good hands,” Aziraphale promised. “Thank you again for this, I do hope he has a good time tonight. Just… not too good a time? Don’t let him near any blueprints or cellphone towers or anything? He’s his own worst enemy.”“No M25 repeats, got it,” Anathema said.She headed over to the group, Aziraphale waved goodbye to Crowley, and with that an angel and a demon were set for their bachelor parties.





	Stag er... Snake Night

“You’re sure you’ll be able to keep him out of trouble?” Aziraphale tutted, watching Crowley introduce himself to Anathema’s friends a little ways away. 

“Of course!” Anathema reassured him. “I’m more worried about you with the uh… professional here.”

Anathema’s gaze drifted over to Madame Tracy, who seemed to be gently scandalizing Newt. He kept looking over to his girlfriend with a distinctive “help me” look in his eyes. 

“Oh, you needn’t worry about me,” Aziraphale chuckled. “I’ve been around for over six thousand years, some of the tricks she has  _ I invented _ .”

“You are full of surprises,” Anathema said in a mixture of awe and disgust. 

“Oi! Book girl! We going or what?” Crowley shouted. “We gotta move if we’re gonna spring Lisa from knitting club.”

“Alright, we better go before your husband to be blows a blood vessel,” Anathema said. “Keep an eye on Newt for me? Don’t let Shadwell get him into any trouble?”

“He’s in good hands,” Aziraphale promised. “Thank you again for this, I do hope he has a good time tonight. Just… not too good a time? Don’t let him near any blueprints or cellphone towers or anything? He’s his own worst enemy.”

“No M25 repeats, got it,” Anathema said. 

She headed over to the group, Aziraphale waved goodbye to Crowley, and with that an angel and a demon were set for their bachelor parties.

“So, your friends,” Crowley asked casually, keeping pace with Anathema. “Did you tell them that I’m a demon?”

“It’s not exactly the kind of thing you tell people, but I doubt they haven’t figured it out yet,” Anathema said. “Your aura is distinctly non-human. Not to mention we’re going to pick up one of your old friends who remembers you from the days of disco so if you’re planning on keeping your cover…”

“No, no,” Crowley said. “I just wanted to know if I could get away with any demonic magic tonight, you know, just for recreational purposes.”

“You are surrounded by witches with strict instructions to keep you out of trouble,” Anathema reminded him. “I wouldn’t try it.”

“This is my party isn’t it?” Crowley laughed, feigning disappointment. 

Anathema had rented a limo for the occasion, or rather had gone to rent a limo and then had Crowley wave dismissively and tell her that they’d have the transportation they needed. When the vehicle that showed up had a vaguely unearthly feeling to it she shot the demon an accusatory look, but he just shrugged.

“Yeah, this company is one of ours,” he said. “Got you a discount is all. Well, get in.”

“So,” Morgan, one of Anathema’s friends, said. “Who’s this friend we’re picking up?”

“Oh, Lisa is a party animal.” Crowley grinned. “We used to get into loads of trouble back in the day, I haven’t seen her in years, couldn’t believe she was still kicking to be honest.”

“Is she going to be able to… keep up?” Gwen, the other friend Anathema had brought, asked. 

Crowley burst out laughing, slapping his knee and shaking his head. “Keep up? Oh, honey, you have no idea.”

The house they pulled up to had a lush garden decorated with tacky birdbaths and ceramic angels that Crowley got a kick out of. He knocked on the door and after a few seconds an old woman with thick glasses and short cropped hair answered the door. 

“Anthony J. Crowley, you tricky bastard,” she said.

“Lisa! How’s the wife?” Crowley greeted her cheerfully. 

“Bah, entertaining the neighbors with Scrabble for the fifth time this week,” she said, rolling her eyes. “If she’s not writing she’s playing Scrabble. I fell for a real nerd, damn I love her.”

“Tell me about it,” Crowley chuckled. He gestured to Anathema and her friends. “This is the coven, they’re worried about you keeping up.”

“Oh, you young kids,” Lisa scoffed. “We’ll show them how it’s done, won’t we?”

“Yeah, so long as we don’t break a hip going down these stairs,” Crowley sighed dramatically.

“Don’t worry, old man, I’ll carry you when you get tired,” Lisa chortled. 

“I like her,” Morgan said, stars in her eyes. 

“So where we headed first?” Lisa asked, taking Crowley’s arm as they walked to the limo. “Oh, is that dive we used to go to with Peter and the boys still around?”

“What, the Goose Lounge?” Crowley asked. 

“Oh! So your memory hasn’t gone yet!” Lisa teased.

“I have my moments of lucidity, it’s true,” Crowley said. “Hopefully that’s the last one for tonight, I’m ready to get trashed what about you ladies?”

There were cheers from all assembled, and they piled into the limo to go see if that old dive really was still open.

They’d been bar hopping for a few hours, and Anathema felt two things:

Firstly, she felt just on the edge of drunk. Secondly, she felt like things were going rather well. Morgan and Gwen were getting along with Crowley and Lisa like old friends, and Crowley seemed to be enjoying himself. Him and Lisa were deep into a drinking contest that had Morgan begging Lisa to take her on as an apprentice, and Anathema worried about getting the deposit back on the limo (did demons get alcohol poisoning?)

Yes, the event seemed to be a smooth success up until the point Crowley uttered six dangerous words.

“You know what we should do?” 

“Nn.” Anathema covered his mouth with a hand. “No.”

Crowley tried to speak around her hand, voice muffled, making hand gestures like he was playing charades to get his point across while the other partygoers laughed.

“Free him!” Gwen cheered. “Let him speak!”

“I promised Azir… Ariz… Zir…the angel, that I would keep him out of trouble,” Anathema said, at least still sober enough to remember that promise.

“Boo!” Morgan gave Anathema a thumbs down and blew a raspberry. 

“Yeah, right on, sister!” Lisa said, clapping Morgan on the back and giving the younger woman an approval high. “Whatcha got in mind, Anthony?”

Crowley wiggled his eyebrows at Anathema, who gave him a stern look in return. He reached up and removed his sunglasses, giving her the most pathetic puppy dog eyes possible for a demon with snake eyes.

“... oh, I’m not saying we’re gonna do it!” Anathema said, pulling her hand away.

Crowley picked up his drink, living for the quiet anticipation that had everyone leaning towards him on the edge of their seats. He took a long slow sip, and Gwen hit him on the arm, which made him laugh and choke a bit. 

“Banned books,” he finally said, throwing back the rest of his drink. 

“Banned books?” Gwen asked.

“We,” Crowley gestured to everyone there as if it was unclear who he was referring to. “Should fill the school libraries with banned books.”

“Pffft, you are getting old,” Lisa laughed. “I thought we were gonna set something on fire.”

“There’s still time for that!” Crowley winked. 

“I mean…” Anathema chewed at her lip. “That doesn’t… really sound all that bad… except for the part where we break into schools.”

“No one will ever know we were there!” Crowley said, waving the bartender over and waving dismissively at Anathema at the same time, both hands busy.

“There are a lot of… of books banned for unfair reasons,” Anathema said.

“Yes!” Crowley agreed. 

“Knowledge is… good,” she said succinctly. 

“Pissing off stuffy teachers and homophobic parents is wicked,” Crowley added, tempting the bartender into handing him a few bottles off the shelf. “It’s one of those… one of those things.”

“Things?” Morgan asked, leaning heavily against Gwen.

“The things!” Crowley said with exasperation. “The… the ones that make you…” he made a gesture and sound that must have meant ‘go to hell.’ “There’s seven of them.”

“Wrath!” Gwen said, shooting up in her chair. “Sins!”

“Yeah!” Crowley agreed triumphantly. 

They all looked expectantly at Anathema, who was still trying to muddle out if this was the sort of thing that would count as breaking her promise to Aziraphale. She was also still muddling out how she had forgotten how to pronounce ‘Aziraphale’ (the answer was tequila shots).

“... yeah, okay,” she sighed, much to the party’s delight. 

“Well, get up, ya bastard!” Lisa said, pulling Crowley out of his seat. “Just like old times!”

“Yeah, ‘cept you haven’t been necking with Louise under the bar all night,” Crowley teased, resting his chin on the top of her head with a smirk, earning himself a swat. 

“Books!” Morgan cheered, stumbling out of her seat and grabbing Anathema and Gwen’s hands before running for the exit. 

Anathema and Crowley had gotten separated from the others sometime during the mad dash from a prep school security guard. Now they were running hand in hand back towards the limo and laughing gleefully. They hit the side with their hands like children finishing a race, and Crowley turned and sank to the ground with his back against a wheel, laughter fading into a smile. 

“Mmh…” he hummed, pressing two fingers to his forehead as if it would make the world stop spinning. “M’real happy, you know?”

“Yeah, got to cause trouble,” Anathema snorted. 

“No, no,” Crowley shook his head, pulling a face. “Mean… you know, angel…”

“Ooooh…” Anathema nodded, taking a seat next to Crowley. She saw the other three making their escape in the distance and wondered if she should tell the driver to start the car so they could make a break for it. “That’s why… the books. Thinking about him?”

“All the time.” Crowley smiled. “Nngh… wish he was here…”

“Smitten,” Anathema teased, poking Crowley’s cheek. He patted himself down a moment, finding the last bottle tucked away in his jacket. He offered it to Anathema, and tried to hide his grin with a hand. 

“Can’t wait to marry that bastard,” he sighed, accepting the bottle from Anathema as she passed it back. His head was lolling a bit now. “All this… s’fun but… I’d marry him right now. Right here, in a… a… parking lot! S’taking too long. M’ready to cause trouble with ‘n for him.”

“Awww…” Anathema stood with some effort. The others had reached the limo and the security guard’s flashlight was shining in the distance. She helped Crowley up, finding him to be an impossible dead weight of lanky limbs, and the party got into the limo while the demon driving it waved his hand and alerted a sleeping snake near the security guard’s foot to suddenly rear up and hiss menacingly enough to reawaken the man’s childhood fear of snakes. The demon driver thought he had a very good sense of humor.

Once in the car, Crowley and Lisa sat leaning against each other, head against head. Morgan had her head in Gwen’s lap, grinning as Gwen played with her hair. Anathema pulled out her phone and squinted down at the keyboard as she typed out a quick text to Newt. There was a change in the party schedule and she needed him to meet her.

Aziraphale’s party was a great deal less drunk than Crowley’s, though they had spent the evening with the more traditional lewd games and gossip associated with such events instead of trying to inspire a love of reading in children. When Newt got a text from Anathema he was a bit relieved to no longer have to choose between sulking in the corner with Shadwell or joining the others in their fun. 

They headed back to the bookshop just like Anathema asked, and were waiting outside when the limo pulled up and a coven of drunk witches came tumbling out. Newt was quick to offer Anathema a steadying arm, and she was quick to offer him a sloppy kiss that made him grin.

“Lover boy had a great time, I think,” she said, holding Newt’s hands and swaying happily. 

“Why’d you want us to meet you?” Newt asked.

“Angel!”

Crowley nearly tripped over his own feet in his rush to get to Aziraphale, and ended up tripping into his arms. He grasped Aziraphale’s arms for balance and looked up at him adoringly, snake tongue flicking in and out of his mouth. 

“That’s why,” Anathema said with a smile.

“Oh dear, look at you,” Aziraphale chuckled, cupping Crowley’s face in his hand. Crowley leaned into the touch with a blissful look on his face. “Have fun, did we?”

“‘Ziraphale,” Crowley tried to look serious, taking Aziraphale’s face in his hands and staring him down. “M’gonna marry you so hard.”

“That’s the plan,” Aziraphale said, grinning. “You ought to sober up a little, dear.”

“Nooooo,” Crowley whined. “Listen, I’m… I’m… books. We did books. You’d like it.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow, first at Crowley and then at Anathema who tried to look very innocent as she avoided eye contact. 

“I suppose you’ll tell me all about it in the morning,” Aziraphale sighed. 

“Morning,” Crowley said, like the word was made of joy itself. “I get to see you then. Everytime.”

“Everytime,” Aziraphale agreed, pushing the loose hair off Crowley’s forehead and pressing a kiss there. 

“Ol’ softie,” Lisa chuckled, elbowing Morgan and giving her a pointed look before casting her gaze over to Gwen knowingly. 

“I better get him to bed,” Aziraphale sighed. “He looks one drink away from turning into a snake and getting twisted around a table leg.”

“S’one time!” Crowley huffed, reaching into his jacket for the last of the whiskey and having it deftly stolen from him by Aziraphale. The angel effortlessly scooped the demon up into his arms, surprising everyone present save for Tracy. Crowley tossed his arms about Aziraphale’s neck and nuzzled happily against his chest. 

“Thank you for the lovely night, Anathema, Tracy, everyone,” Aziraphale said, though his eyes were entirely on Crowley. He looked so fond Anathema thought the pair of them might just melt together on the spot. 

Goodbyes were said, Lisa promised to bring Louise around to the bookshop for brunch on Sunday, Gwen and Morgan vanished into a taxi together, and Aziraphale carried his snoring fiance to bed. 

“I really do love you,” he said, combing the tangles from Crowley’s hair with his fingers. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, admiring how the moonlight made Crowley’s sharp features stand out in a silver glow. 

“You  _ what _ ?” Crowley mumbled, apparently awake and nostalgic. Aziraphale smiled and leaned down to pepper Crowley with kisses until he was giggling and trying to hide under the blanket.

“I said I love you,” Aziraphale said, using the blanket shield to tuck Crowley in. 

“Mmm... “ a pair of golden eyes opened in the dark. “Love you too, angel.”


End file.
